What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
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