Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
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