Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
