Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
