yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
Randomize
