Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Randomize
