Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Randomize
