Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
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