yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
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