You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
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