halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
