Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
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