Having a random hookup so left but love u
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
