those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
Randomize
