i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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