id be glad to
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
Randomize
