She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
