when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
My ATM looks so different sober.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Randomize
