you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
Randomize
