I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
Randomize
