if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
Randomize
