____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
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