You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
