We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Randomize
