My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
i out mim tonsoeep
Randomize
