Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
You ate ashes out of my bong
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
