so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
Randomize
