I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
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