11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Randomize
