watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
