So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize
