you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
