I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
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