Midget sex pt 2 tonight
I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
Randomize
