Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
you didnt know i had herpes?
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
Randomize
