I can tuck mytits in my pants
What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Randomize
