Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
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