Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Randomize
