Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
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