wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
Randomize
