Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
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