I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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