Don't you send me to vm
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
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