O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
Randomize
