My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Randomize
