I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
