nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
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