Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
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