Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
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