i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
